Monday, January 26, 2009

Waiting for Instructions and Saying Goodbye ( for now)

To darling you,

Tonight I knew deeply that it was time for me to check in, so that I could check out so to speak...

Blogging with you has been a creative, cathartic, very intimate (ish) and joyful dance... I feel close to you in that weird kind of way that only a cyber reality could offer...Therefore, it wouldn't have felt right to just stop posting for now without saying ciao (for a spell).

This is because...

Things are getting amped up very quickly now dramatically and galactically.

And I am feeling the need to go silent for a while as I re-evaluate life, my life, all life and all manner of, well, everything.   After a lifetime of spiritual preparation of sorts, I literally need to pull away  from the computer to go deep into the silence, that old original Holy Temple within.  I need to tune in and indeed listen for my  next instructions- my marching orders, if you will. What really is the most organic and needed next steps for this gal. It is time for me to get very private now with the powers that be and I just can't do that and do this with you all at the same time. Oh that I wish I could...

I have no idea where I am being led, but in true surrendered fashion,  am open to all possibilities. Not sure if  books, speaking, my children's stuff, the non-profit, the film or the shaved ice shack in Jaco, Costa Rica ( seriously) is where I am being directed but wherever God/Spirit needs me to go, I plan to be there. 

Know that I am, at all times and in ways that words don't begin to describe...
praying deeply and sending out blessings in every direction...

that we may all once again find ourselves playing, " Back in the Garden".

The waters will be getting rough. Keep the faith -- listen to your own instructions ( the heart)  get in position and stay the course. It will be worth it. The Light will win, Heaven on Earth awaits..

 I'll be back -- we'll be together again soon ( it's inevitable!) 

until that precious time ... Live well --enjoy your magical date with Lady Destiny and.....

Just Love!


Monday, January 19, 2009

To Bog or Not to Blog- Again!

Confession time.... I have been a bad bad blogger.

What started off as my new passion somehow has become my new pressure...I am experiencing Blogger Guilt and confusion for not posting more often. Especially since I have followers that I feel like I am leaving in the lurch when I up and disappear.

"Patrice", I tell myself," Just blog when you feel like it whether that's once a day or once a month. And write whatever the hell you fancy . This is your blog after all, and it's not like people are having a hard time sleeping through the night because Patrice hasn't posted in a bit, or that, gasp, she wrote what!"

Guys, it's just that lately a multitude of other blogging issues seem to be keeping me away from the keyboard that just a few weeks ago was my delightful cathartic escape...

#1 Do I really want people that I know out there ( strangers, by the way, seem to pose no major problem for me) but the thought that peers, ex-boyfriends, potential publishers, clients and neighbors are now privy to all my inner demons and desires is well, quite frankly, beginning to creep me out a bit. This could be solved by not revealing as much "deep" stuff as I do but that would be miss the entire point of what my blog is....As I have said before, that last kind of blog this gal will ever write is some generic, safe, boring little, look at my new teapot purchase ( complete with said teapot picture) kind of blog. Someone just shoot me on the spot, if I ever resort to that. Please.

#2 "I'm not in the mood!" Blogging has become yet another voice in my head ( and Lord knows, I have enough of those already!) Barking at me to write everyday. The rebel in me, well- rebels when I think that I have to do something on a regular basis.

#3 And just why am I blogging anyway? Obviously, I am no doubt analyzing this thing to death ( like I do most everything else by the way) At first, it wasn't going to be a "journally" thing at all as much as a place to simply write whatever the muse was serving up that day and have the added bonus of a little immediate gratification. That somewhere, someone was reading what I was writing so soon after it was written felt like quite a thrill. I thought that it would be a great way to get some writing done everyday and a new and interesting way to do it. Then I got caught up in trying to promote it and design it right and that led me down that Hellish road we all knows as Comparison Highway where it was never as good as...or as profound as...or as beautifully artistic as....

Adding to those dilemas, was the fact that my  format had turned into  some kind of self confessional, and this really brought with it some issues-- case in point--I recently wrote a powerful post about my love/hate relationship with smoking pot and then several days later, I promptly freaked out and deleted it because I got concerned that in this uptight society, where alcohol that kills and destroys so many many lives  is not only legal, but celebrated, yet a flower that grows naturally and at it's very worst, may make some a little goofy, unmotivated and eating too many illegal!--- someone out there might take issue and  judge me harshly and that this, I thought pretty darn courageous "outing" of myself, just might come back to haunt me. Of course after deleting it, I felt really conflicted and just plain old wimpy! I went into this kind of downward spiral that I am just now working through as I examine just what am I wanting to do with my blog anyway?

I now realize that I have written an entire post about whether to blog or not. That is just so like me. And I still have made no earth shattering decisions about how, how often or just what shape this blog will take, but I do feel much much better that I checked in.

Can I go now?

Oy Vey.

P.S By the way, I forget to mention that I just found out that I am indeed a true 
"Indigo Adult", Ah, so that explains it!!!!
I have a feeling that I will for sure be back to chat with you all about this latest discovery that is having a big impact on me. Google the expression, if you are curious...It's me-- I tell ya!

As always my lovely ones, thank's mucho for hanging out with all of the pieces that make up this confusing but hopefully tasty Patrice Pie...

Until I show up again (  hey, maybe even tomorrow!)

Just Love!


Monday, January 12, 2009

Compassionate Haze...

This will be a short and rather whiny post as I am having a rough time with re-entry into "normal life" after that fiasco most commonly known as "the holidays". For the love of God--what is that madness all about? If it is supposed to be about you God, I am afraid that somehow you got pushed to the side amidst the cookies, dysfunctional forced gatherings and rapant materialistic frenzy.

  Clearly you can see, I am in rare form --Bottom line as I write this,  everything seems rather annoying and slightly pointless today-- at least I finally have a bathroom! It's the little things people.

The weather is glorious here in LA after our "freeze". I am still in charge of one stepdaughter and two dogs and want to run away from home ( of course this will happen after I decided just what  home really is anyway)

I am reluctant and therefore dragging my heels before deciding to jump back into the push, promote, push, promote world of publishing, speaking, marketing etc. that is required for even thinking about getting your message out there while earning a living (let alone a little notoriety), if you are an author. And I am....

Working at the the shaved ice store in Costa Rica is still sounding mighty appealing right about now--

Earlier, I smoked something called Compassionate Haze ( no judgements!) and today that is exactly what I feel--a hazy and yet overwhelming compassion for a sad, troubled ailing planet, and this sort of makes my whole prioritizing of the day take on some new meaning.

And speaking of meaning, what the hell (pun) is all the suffering on Earth really all about anyway, if not to ever remind us at all times and especially when lost and

just love,


Saturday, January 3, 2009

Jay Leno Waving to me on Sleepy Saturday Afternoon

So there I am returning from being of service today and schlepping Eli's friend Daniel back to his house 45 miles from mine, ( long story- the kid is going through some hellish times-- it was the least I could do) So we are driving back up Topanga Canyon, Eli is asleep in the front seat, I am listening to the classic rock station and trudging my way along, when I spot a well groomed dude in a fine automotive specimen-- a beautiful burnt orange metallic sleek sports car ( I am not good with this kind of thing could have been a Corvette or a Lamborghini for all I know) anyway there we are at the stoplight and I give a weary smile...a smile that says " Hey well groomed dude in a tight car on a Saturday afternoon-- I am a tired mom with a headache, but yeah you look good, so hat's off to ya", When well groomed dude, gives me a huge grin and starts waving at me and lo and behold it's friggen Jay Leno!

So now I have like 12 seconds to make a huge decision-- do I let this moment pass or do I make a frantic appeal to get on his show by yelling out the opened window that I am an amazing spiritual author and tossing him a God Made Easy ? Now, I wish I could tell you that the passionate, spontaneous never let an opportunity go to waste power house- wild woman that I am, threw him the book, got invited for a meeting and history was born, but in those few seconds, I was just so surrendered to the surrealness of the moment, so tired of all the push and promote that seems to be required to sell a few books, and really just so humored by the whole event that I just waved back and then quickly acknowledged this to God.

Dear God,

Thank you for Jay Leno smiling and waving at me today. Since, I was not able to milk the moment so as to create greatness, I would like you to know that if you should see fit for me to finally make it ( as in not broke anymore!) as an author/speaker/teacher etc. (after all the work, body mind and soul that I have put in-- not to mention spreading the good word, oh yeah! and trying to make the world a way better place, and doing  great PR for ya!!! Hint Hint), then the ball ( like the entire universe) is in your court. Your daughter Patrice is currently wiped out.

Love always,


I sent the prayer mail, Jay turned right, Eli slept on and I continued deep through the canyon, home.

Just another day in L.A

Just another two beings that shared a moment.

Just Love,