Monday, January 19, 2009

To Bog or Not to Blog- Again!

Confession time.... I have been a bad bad blogger.

What started off as my new passion somehow has become my new pressure...I am experiencing Blogger Guilt and confusion for not posting more often. Especially since I have followers that I feel like I am leaving in the lurch when I up and disappear.

"Patrice", I tell myself," Just blog when you feel like it whether that's once a day or once a month. And write whatever the hell you fancy . This is your blog after all, and it's not like people are having a hard time sleeping through the night because Patrice hasn't posted in a bit, or that, gasp, she wrote what!"

Guys, it's just that lately a multitude of other blogging issues seem to be keeping me away from the keyboard that just a few weeks ago was my delightful cathartic escape...

#1 Do I really want people that I know out there ( strangers, by the way, seem to pose no major problem for me) but the thought that peers, ex-boyfriends, potential publishers, clients and neighbors are now privy to all my inner demons and desires is well, quite frankly, beginning to creep me out a bit. This could be solved by not revealing as much "deep" stuff as I do but that would be miss the entire point of what my blog is....As I have said before, that last kind of blog this gal will ever write is some generic, safe, boring little, look at my new teapot purchase ( complete with said teapot picture) kind of blog. Someone just shoot me on the spot, if I ever resort to that. Please.

#2 "I'm not in the mood!" Blogging has become yet another voice in my head ( and Lord knows, I have enough of those already!) Barking at me to write everyday. The rebel in me, well- rebels when I think that I have to do something on a regular basis.

#3 And just why am I blogging anyway? Obviously, I am no doubt analyzing this thing to death ( like I do most everything else by the way) At first, it wasn't going to be a "journally" thing at all as much as a place to simply write whatever the muse was serving up that day and have the added bonus of a little immediate gratification. That somewhere, someone was reading what I was writing so soon after it was written felt like quite a thrill. I thought that it would be a great way to get some writing done everyday and a new and interesting way to do it. Then I got caught up in trying to promote it and design it right and that led me down that Hellish road we all knows as Comparison Highway where it was never as good as...or as profound as...or as beautifully artistic as....

Adding to those dilemas, was the fact that my  format had turned into  some kind of self confessional, and this really brought with it some issues-- case in point--I recently wrote a powerful post about my love/hate relationship with smoking pot and then several days later, I promptly freaked out and deleted it because I got concerned that in this uptight society, where alcohol that kills and destroys so many many lives  is not only legal, but celebrated, yet a flower that grows naturally and at it's very worst, may make some a little goofy, unmotivated and eating too many munchies....is illegal!--- someone out there might take issue and  judge me harshly and that this, I thought pretty darn courageous "outing" of myself, just might come back to haunt me. Of course after deleting it, I felt really conflicted and just plain old wimpy! I went into this kind of downward spiral that I am just now working through as I examine just what am I wanting to do with my blog anyway?

I now realize that I have written an entire post about whether to blog or not. That is just so like me. And I still have made no earth shattering decisions about how, how often or just what shape this blog will take, but I do feel much much better that I checked in.

Can I go now?

Oy Vey.

P.S By the way, I forget to mention that I just found out that I am indeed a true 
"Indigo Adult", Ah, so that explains it!!!!
I have a feeling that I will for sure be back to chat with you all about this latest discovery that is having a big impact on me. Google the expression, if you are curious...It's me-- I tell ya!

As always my lovely ones, thank's mucho for hanging out with all of the pieces that make up this confusing but hopefully tasty Patrice Pie...

Until I show up again (  hey, maybe even tomorrow!)

Just Love!

Patrice

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

What ever you feel like doing is going to be whats right for Patrice, I think all of us apreciate your blog & want you to be happy, with or without blogging.

Lotsalove
Katgirl

lunaticg said...

Hi!
Why do you want to stop blogging?
You have a good story to tell people in here. Should keep on writingmy friend. Don't stop. Don't think to much about what other thinking about your blog.
See you around.

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