Monday, December 1, 2008
Ships Passing in the Night
The fact is that I am sitting here on the deck of my hotel on the beautiful Amador Causeway on this warm tropical sunsetting over the bay, magical Panama Day.
The other fact is that I am feeling the pressure to blog about this whole trip, keep a commentary up about it, and this being the first traveling that I have done since blogging became my new #1 hobby/obsession 3 months ago. Let me put it to you this way--"Our issues are coming up."
I am that three month mark that is a pivotal turning point in intimate relationships. Seriously there are books and experts galore that tell you that at the three month mark-- the "honeymoon phase" wanes and often is when a relationship will either move forward or die.
So Blog and I are having one of those " no it's not you it's me" dialogues, whereby I am saying that I feel a little claustrophobic, it's all getting to be bit much, I m getting scared, you're taking up too much of my time and getting too needy, I don't know if I can keep this up, maybe we should start to see other people...Before I started blogging, I wasn't letting anyone down if I disappeared for a bit. . And Blog and I are going through that now," you mean you come on vacations with me too!?" Do I have to hang out with you every day, every week? What exactly do you want from me, anyway? You could say that we are setting the boundaries and seeing what is comfortable and just if and how this can work with both of us being happy . I trust that we will figure this out.
I guess this a roundabout way of saying to you that I may check out for a while, as I continue this particular adventure.
(Fact is that I maybe back writing in an hour) You know how that works- once you feel free.....
Right now, in this very precious moment, I need to sign off. I am just not sure if I can fully be Here.. and with You at the same time....
Tonight I feel the call.....It is time for me to sink in and soak it up.
So this is Patrice taking her leave to the sounds of sweet Latin music beginning to fill up the street as twilight paints the sky with her shadows and light, I am sitting in Panama watching boats bob in the harbor and the smell of barbecues wafting up from the restaurants all around and I once again feel the embrace that only travelling seems to be able to give me.
What a huge and different world this planet of ours really is , wow, it gives me pause. My joy on planet Earth, is experiencing who I am from different vantage points-- at different spots all over the world. And I have needed this journey for a long time. i have lots to sort out, Ahhh, the balmy comforting air is warming parts of my being that were getting chilled. And in this moment...Lo and Behold!
I feel Alive.
Oh and one more thing, when I was little and living in England, sometimes late at night I would hear the sounds of foghorns blowing. It was a hauntingly beautiful sound to me. My mother used to say that it was the sound of ships passing in the night.
Just now, Mark came over and told me to get my head out of the computer and look up. To which I saw two giant container ships pass by each other each making their transit through the Panama Canal and off to parts of the world unknown. It was truly ships passing in the night. And that made me think about all of us. We are all passing by each other on our own journeys far and wide. Thank you for every moment that you choose to pass with me.
I will be back- you can count on it.