My favorite day of the year every year is January 2nd.
Such a lovely day she is...The end of the madness and the promise that this just might be the year of all things new and shiny.
So I am holding on and reminding myself that all is well and that She indeed IS only days away.
I am saying this in my rental condo that has been torn apart with construction, and which currently is covered( and I mean every inch covered) in a fine layer of said construction dust, we still have no shower, son Eli (17) is visiting and has taken over the living room complete with all his clothes and dirty laundry strewn all over and loud marathon stints of BBC television shows that he watches over and over and might I mention OVER. There are drills, saws, tools and a toilet sitting where my where my sweet zen furniture used to be. The two dogs are going through some kind of canine co-dependency and separation anxiety ( probably from being in doggy jail also known as boarding for three weeks while I was traveling) they follow me from room to room literally clinging to my ankles at times. I can't go " back to work" to find my way out of my financial mess because the world is still on holiday, ah yes, and the fact the constant drilling and pounding truly makes any kind of conversation utterly impossible and finally ( so that you can really feel my current state of mind) Captain Mark ( my husband) who did fly in for a whopping 36 hours and then jetted off is writing blogs ( one of the only ways that I can keep current on his travels) from the Acapulco Yacht Club where he describes in detail his poolside brunches and all the new yachtie friends he is making. I read these blogs covered in dust, dirty, white knuckling it, attached to two dogs, listening to constant banging and obnoxiously loud Dr. Who reruns ad nauseum, Oh and let me not forget just to round it all out for ya, I am COLD. Los Angeles is going through a freeze of sorts ( for us) and my daily uniform is ugly baggy heavy whatevers, Uggs and a jacket because right now, that's just the best I can do, the heater sucks and right now so does everything else....
Finally let me add here that the economy of the world is crashing and collapsing all around me, which, scary as it is, brings these two interesting and somewhat comforting thoughts, #1, at least I haven't lost any money ( never had any to begin with) and #2, maybe the playing field will be finally leveled between the have and have- not's and we just might all be chopping wood and carrying water together, (which quite frankly maybe the just the collective humbling and healing that we as a society, as a people, truly need!)
To be fair, there is actually a lot of greatness in my life too, so let me add here that I adore my son, dogs husband, I am healthy in body and mind (even if the finances are currently a tad under the weather). And yet, even that could all change if just one of my projects sells, or a big donor comes through for the Just Love Project , or an investor for my film... thus, (I remind myself in my better and brighter moments), I actually have the makings of quite the creative/financial empire -- if only bankruptcy doesn't happen first.
The good news is that I am ( though I may not sound like it) quite surrendered with it all...in fact I hereby give myself one big ass pat on the back for my quite chilled handling of all of this insanity.
My current mantra--'09 Will be Divine..
I will enjoy the last few days of the year that was The Not So Great '08
I wish you all a Big Juicy Happy New Year!
And as always, my continued prayer for us all and my own deeply personal, continual and ultimate goal, that being, to...