Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Not the Most Stellar of Days...

Empty nest, full moon, stopped prozac, menopause, winter, work frustrations, a bit bored, bathtub still not working, lonely and lost.
And how are you doing today?

Honestly, it has been a rough one . Tried unsucessfully to keep my spirits up and vibration high. I give myself an "F". Highlights of the day- major face licking/healing from Coco the weiner dog and husband Mark forced me to go take a walk to "get me out of the house". The sunset was truly georgous and I did allow the beauty of it to enter me for a minute or so.

Then Mark went Googling to find out just what the heck is wrong with his wife and he found a bunch of empty nest support group websites which he called me over to look at. There was some relief in the realization that I am not alone with this sadness. But it was bittersweet as I read the posts and kept comparing my story to theirs...Well at least she has four other kids at home, at least her kid is happy in college and not miserable and doing nothing at horrible ex- husbands house, at least her kid calls and emails her-- you get the idea. So the empty nest website started to make me feel worse and I moved on to making dinner.

Stepdaughter Marisa came home and bless her, Mark told her to give "stepmommy" a hug-- she did and I didn't let her go for quite a while. She is used to her very over- emotional stepmom having a meltdown of one sort or another so she hung in there giving me some extra special love back.

Cooked a great veggie tofu kashi dish that seemed to please everyone including the dogs. Then again, they never complain.

Going just one minute at a time these days. I know the deep spiritual breakthrough and healing are just around the corner. But which corner, where?

Sometimes I just want a big hug from the Universe. Sometimes I want to be a little crying baby that gets picked up and rocked till I fall asleep. Sometimes I want things that just don't happen.

I am tired of being big and strong and holding it all together. I like the idea of falling apart and getting put all back together but better. Tonight though, I feel more like Humpty Dumpty and all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Humpty together again. I'm a mess.

If any of you right now are feeling a bit down-- I wish I could be that big warm hug for you--
So instead I am sending you all my love this way.

We'll get through it all....Together!

Just Love,


MilesPerHour said...

I'm right there with you Patrice. Gonna keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward although I'd rather say fugget it.

E. Michelle said...

***HUGS*** I know you will get through this. Just remember that this too shall pass. :-) Just keep "feeling" your emotions.

E. Michelle

Argentum Vulgaris said...

I'm glad men don't have menopause, the bath not working I can handle.

Nicely written,


The Brain Twinkey said...

As a friend to Argentum I found your blog and read this post and felt like chiming in. I have two little ones and I can't begin to imagine them not at home. When my 5 year old daughter is overnight somewhere it feels empty! I do my best to treasure every day with them now and forever and they will get an extra hug when I get home tomight!


patrice karst said...

bless you all- what a great group of people you are!

Every Photo Tells A Story said...

Yes, we need to periodically "fall apart," when we are burdened with life. As long as we pick ourselves up again. And, it's nice when we have someone to help us up :)

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh, this is soooo sad. Im sorry. It will get better somehow. How wonderful of Marissa to love her step Mommy & give you back luvluvs.

aries28 said...

Patrice-You are definitely not alone. I know how you feel. I find your blog very intriguing and interesting. I believe, as I said in one of my posts, that we should all help each other, as all we really have is each other:) You sound like a lovely person. Please visit my blog to see I have many of the same issues and I will keep going, somehow. Here's a BIG hug for {{{YOU}}}